I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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