I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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