thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
