I want you more than these girls want KFC
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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