I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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