It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
