I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
