HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
