She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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