Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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