I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
