I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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