my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
