dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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