Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
