I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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