you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
