i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just high enough for therapy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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