i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
