covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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