It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
