rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its liver damage thursday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
