i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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