Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I faked an abortion last night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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