I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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