he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
