Me too!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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