My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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