I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
