I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
