Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
