Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
