I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
