I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize