plz talk dirty to me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
