its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
