I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
