I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we made out on top of his cat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
