i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just forgot I was standing up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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