I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
