Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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