I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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