I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
