i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dick very happy bro
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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