hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
