he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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