She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
