Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
