seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
