In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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