I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize