there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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