why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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