NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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