Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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