My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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