2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
