My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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