Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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