my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
