i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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