I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
