id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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