she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
