and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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