it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
