Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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