we have officially lost it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
