Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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