everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
