So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
