the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
