it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize